The Letter
by Azrael's Addiction
Summary: Remus gets an unfortunate letter from The Ministry of Magic. RLSB
1. Here and Now

**Here and Now**

* * *

_Remus J. Lupin_

_Species: Werewolf_

_M.O.M Classification: XXXXX_

_Number: 78396_

_Current Age: 17_

_Execution Date: November 29th_

* * *

Remus Lupin woke up to a tap on his window. He rolled over onto his side and stumbled to the window where a large, tawny owl was waiting for him. He opened the sash and the bird flew in, heading straight for the glass of water resting on Remus' bedside table. Sleepily, Remus ambled over to the owl and untied the letter attatched to its leg. He gave the bird a pat on the head and opened the letter.

It was tied with black string and sealed with the wax initials; M.O.M DEPARTMENT OF MAGIZOOLOGY. Remus' brows furrowed and he closed his eyes. He took a deep breathe and opened the parcel.

Quickly, his eyes scanned the letter.

His blood ran cold.

* * *

Sirius Black ran towards the train at full speed, bags and broom in tow. "Shite, shite, shite," he muttered under his breath, barely boarding the train on time. He plowed through a gaggle of second years and down to the last compartment on the train: the compartment they'd shared since the very first year. He hadn't come with James because he'd wanted to pick up something at Diagon Alley before they left for Hogwarts and had agreed to meet James at the station. He hadn't anticipated the walk to the station to take so long. "Hey, sorry I'm late--what's wrong?"

Remus looked as if someone had killed his mother. James and Peter were looking on worriedly at the boy with ashen skin and deep shadows under his eyes. "'Lo Sirius. Good to see you," he said, trying to sound chipper, and evidentially failing. "Nothing's wrong. How was your summer?"

"Good," he said carefully. He sat down next to Peter and right across from Remus. "It wasn't a full moon last night, was it?"

"No," Remus looked confused. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you look like shite," Peter said unhelpfully.

Remus blinked. "Well, you've never been a looker yourself, Peter..." he said wryly. He managed to get a chuckle out of James.

Sirius didn't laugh. His eyes were focused on the gray streaks that ran through Remus' hair. Remus had always been prematurely gray, an attribute that he always found attractive on Moony, but the gray seemed to occupy more space than it had before. His eyes flickered down over the rest of Remus. No new scars or gashes. Other than his deep circles, ashen skin, and gray hair, he looked fine.

"You sure you're okay, mate?"

Remus nodded, "Never been better, Padfoot. Never better."

James beamed at Remus and pounded him on the back. "Good show. Now, I know that Lily has been writing you letters over the summer; what did she say? how is she doing? anything about me?"

Remus smiled dryly. "Something comparing you to a billywig, yes."

Sirius' eyes never left Remus' form.

* * *

That night Sirius watched Remus out of the corner of his eye as he got undressed. He lied in bed, pretending to be asleep but really watching Remus through the narrow of his eyes. What he saw was sad and slightly disturbing:

Over the summer, Remus had lost some weight. A lot of weight, actually. His ribs protruded from his chest and his stomach was just one, smooth concave. Under his robes no one could notice the twig-like arms and legs, the hallow that was his chest and stomach. Remus had never been very bulky, but he had had some wirey muscle and meat to him. Now he looked to be nothing but skin and bones.

In all, he looked sick.

Sirius attempted to recall the letters that they had sent to each other over the summer, if any of them seemed more grim than usual. But Remus was so impassive, so congenial, it was hard to tell.

There was one letter, one that came just before Sirius' last letter, that was a bit concerning, but nothing that suggested Remus was ill. Just a brief note about having to visit the Ministry of Magic for a regular check-up. He crawled to his trunk and pulled out a box of letters from James, Peter, and Remus. He shuffled through it until he found one marked August 30th

_Dear Sirius,_

_Things are fine. All is going smoothly at my house and I'm almost finished with the summer reading and assignments. Have you even started, Padfoot? And no, I will not let you copy mine. You need to do your own work. Yes, I am being an annoying prat. Get on it, Padfoot._

_I'm glad to hear that things are going well in the Potter household. Do tell James that--for the last time--I will not forward Lily's letters to him. She asked me not to and I will obey her wishes. Apologies if he whignes to you, which I'm sure he is bound to do._

_Hmm, the only thing that's worrying me lately is that I've an appointment with the M.O.M. Nothing to worry about, Sirius. Just the regular check-up to make sure that I haven't raped and pillaged any villages lately. I shouldn't be complaining to you about this, but I do detest being under the influence of veritaserum, so I'm not nessecarily looking forward to this appointment._

_Anyways, I've got to go. More studying to do._

_Yours,_

_Remus_

Sirius read the letter over again and a crease formed between his eyebrows. He had never remembered Remus having to report for a check-up at the Ministry of Magic before, why now? He was still puzzling over the letter when he fell asleep.


	2. As We Wait, Time Slips from Us

**

* * *

**

As We Wait, Time Slips from Us

* * *

A few days later, Sirius woke with the horrible sensation of dread trickling through his veins. He sat up in bed, rubbed his eyes and looked around. It was a Saturday and he therefore had no tests to fret about. No double potions with Slytherins to endure. It was too early in the year for any true homework. His Saturday was free. Nothing but a day filled with lounging around the castle with his mates and plotting new ways to make Snape's life miserable.

Yet, he couldn't shake the inalterable feeling of dread from his shoulders. Sirius shifted positions and looked over his shoulders. He checked the clock and looked under the covers. He rubbed his arms and looked about the room warily. His eyes then hit the object of his anxiety: Remus.

Remus was lying on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. His lips were moving and Sirius made him out to be mouthing, "Three more," or something along those lines.

"Remus?" he said tentatively and immediately Remus rolled onto his side and flashed Sirius a winning smile. Bright, illuminating, and entirely false.

"Morning, Sirius. What're you doing up so early?"

"You okay?"

Remus' face immediately melted from its cheery façade and into a deep frown. But the look was passing and it quickly transformed into the same brilliant smile. "Absolutely. Just not looking forward to the potions homework, is all."

Sirius nodded, "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right Moony?"

Remus pulled at the edge of his pyjama shirt. "Sure, Sirius. Of course."

* * *

"Hey, James?"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"Have you noticed anything strange about Remus lately?"

They were sitting in the common room, idly playing wizard's chess. The fire was dying down to the last tendrils of flame. Everyone else had gone to bed, but as per the usual, the two Marauders enjoyed spending their time alert. It was the night before Monday so must students were in bed early. James and Sirius were, obviously, the exception.

"No, why do you ask?" James moved his knight.

"He hasn't seemed...odd to you?"

"He looks a little tired, but no. Everything seems to be alright. Why, do you think something's up?"

Sirius carefully moved a pawn and watched in dismay as it was pummeled by James' knight. "Nothing I guess. He just seems..."

"Sick?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's Moony for you."

* * *

When Sirius re-entered the dorm room that night, Remus wasn't asleep and in bed as he had expected him to be--rather he was fully dressed and loading neatly folded clothes into a rucksack. There were enough clothes folded on the bed to last Remus at least a week.

"What are you doing?" Sirius said quietly, nonetheless causing Remus to jump out of his skin.

"I'm packing." He said smoothly, still loading a stack of t-shirts into his bag.

"I can see that, dolt. What I'm asking is _why_."

Remus tied up the strings of the rucksack and shouldered it. He turned to Sirius. "I've to visit my mum. She's sick."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You used that one on us in our first year. We didn't buy it then and I don't buy it now."

Remus snapped around and shot Sirius a look, fire burned hot in his eyes. "Well, that's the only answer you're getting, Sirius. So piss off, alright?" He shouldered past Sirius heatedly. He headed towards the door. His steps were stiff, brief.

Sirius' eyes widened. "Well, excuse me for caring!"

"Yeah, right. " Remus scoffed, turning his head slightly to glance at Sirius. In his eyes, Sirius could see that rare spark of malintent. "You never give a damn. You're just filing things away for your own curiousity."

"Fuck that." Sirius spat, so offended by Remus' accusation that he lost track of himself. "You're just so wrapped up in your own world you can't see that people actually give a fuck about you. Selfish prick."

Remus shook his head and opened the door roughly. Quietly, so softly that Sirius could barely hear him, he added, "You shouldn't care." And the door closed behind him.

* * *

Things were quieter without Remus around. Sirius stewed most of the time--too angry to even consider forgiving Remus--and he hadn't told James or Peter, so they were kept in the dark about the argument.

The gape he made in their web of friends was noticeable, though. Remus usually helped Peter with his homework with a patience and kindness that neither James nor Sirius could muster for Wormtail. He also kept the dorm in order, returning haphazardly placed items back on the beds of their owners, giving the room a good scourgify now and then. Although the house-elves kept things from utter disarray, the room was much neater when Remus was around.

Beyond that there was a hole in conversation and prescence. Without Remus, things felt uncomfortable. Like something was completely missing. Sirius felt it especially. He'd find his eyes flicking around the room to find Remus only to find that he was nowhere in sight. He'd lie in bed and wait to hear the soft in and out of Remus' breathing--only to remember Remus was gone.

It'd only been a week, and Sirius felt as if he was losing his mind. He wasn't sure what this meant and if it was something he should worry about.

So when they were idling around before Potions, things were slightly awkward. The room was filled with other early arrivals, but Slug horn was nowhere to be seen.

"Anybody know what we're doing in Slughorn's today?"

"Dunno, James. Probably something extraordinarily dull."

"Come, come, Pete. You have to admit that watching Sluggy's fat jiggle around is hilarious."

"And disgusting." Peter retorted, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He'd found a loose string and was trying to twist it off of the fabric. "Any word from Remus, yet? It's been a while..."

"No." Sirius said sharply. Too sharply. Half the room turned to give him a look. "And quite frankly," he continued loudly, challenging the eavesdroppers in the room. "I don't give a lobalug's ass."

"It's okay, Peter." said James, after a few moment's pause, "I miss him too."

* * *

Remus stood outside a small wooden door. The tarnished plaque adorning the door read WEREWOLF DEPARTMENT. He swallowed heavily and looked back to look at his parents. They were standing behind him, holding hands and looking concerned. Mary was clutching her purse in her other hand as if it were her last tendril to reality. Her face was ashen and sickly looking. Guilt curled low in Remus stomach.

_You did this to her, _his mind probed, _it's your fault they're worried sick._

John took a step towards Remus and put his hand on his shoulder. "It'll be alright, son." His voice was grim and the anti-thesis of comfort.

_No, it won't, Dad. Not for much longer, anyways._

Mary took a step forward as well and gave Remus a hug. "I'm so sorry, baby. I wish...I wish that this had never happened to you." Her eyes were brimming with tears--Mary cried easily. The very opposite of her usually stoic husband.

Quietly, John gave her hand a squeeze and looked at his son with wary eyes. "I'm sorry we can't go in with you."

"That's alright. Don't worry about it." Remus said quickly, "It's just a little needle right?"

Nevermind that Remus was terrified of needles.

The wizard working for the department, Mr. Humphrey, roughly grabbed Remus' shoulder. He was a tall man with a beer-gut and a scruffy beard. He smelled vaguely of pickles. When the Lupin family had entered the Department of Magizoology, he'd been there to greet them. He'd addressed Remus as "The Werewolf" and had looked at Remus with loathing eyes. From the moment Remus met him, he felt lowly and inferior.

"I don't have time for this. C'mon, let's go, werewolf."

Remus bowed his head obediently and followed the man into the room.

"Do you realize why you're here?" Mr. Humphrey asked once the door was closed. Remus stared at the halo of light surrounding the door then back up to Mr. Humphrey. He gave him his coldest stare, unwilling to give the man anything else.

"Yes."

"Do you have any questions?"

Remus shook his head, staring at the machine in the corner of the room. "I'm good."

"That's right you are, half-breed. Hold out your wrist."

Remus did as he was told.

"Other wrist, idiot. About time. Pull up your sleeve, half-breed."

Remus carefully folded his shirt up to his elbow. He'd worn a collared, button up shirt. He wasn't going to give these people anything to blame his lycanthropy on--including his appearance.

Mr. Humphrey handed Remus a clipboard with a form on it as well as a quill. "Sign your name here, here, and initial here."

Steadily, Remus signed the form and then gave it back to the wizard.

"You're a cocky one," he said, looking Remus up and down, "aren't you, werewolf?" He spat the word werewolf as if it were some atrocious disease--which, in a way, it was.

"My name is Remus Lupin."

"I'll call you what your number is."

Remus nodded and watched as the man gathered up the machine and needle. Why they chose to do this the muggle way, Remus didn't know. He figured it was to put him in as much discomfort as possible.

The needle made contact with his wrist and Remus clenched his teeth. He had a fairly high pain tolerance, but the stinging sensation on the inside of his delicate wrist was more painful than he had anticipated. He bit his lip to keep from making a sound, but kept his eyes fixated on the needle sinking into his skin. His eyes were open until the process was over. He then closed his eyes and sighed.

On his wrist, five numbers and a date were tattooed:

**78396, Nov. 29**

He looked up to Humphrey who was cleaning the blood off the tattoo needle. Remus bowed his head in shame.

He'd never felt so much like an animal.


	3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

**

* * *

**

**I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings**

**

* * *

**

It was raining when Remus returned to Hogwarts grounds. He walked through the abandoned Great Hall soaking wet, toting his baggage and his tattoo. He wore his robes long over his arms so as not to allow anyone to see his label. Remus ran a hand through his hair and sighed: he wasn't looking forward to returning to the dorm room, to Sirius.

When he returned to the common room, everyone was in their beds. He sighed in relief and quickly shed his soaking cloak and robes. He rubbed the inside of his wrist, which was bandaged over to stem the bleeding. He peeled off his trousers and stood before his bed naked, and shivering.

He slowly sunk to the floor and began to cry. Remus rarely cried in public, but in private...sometimes he couldn't contain himself. He gripped his knees and rocked back and forth. Wanting only to stop the shaking and the horrible pain in his chest. His heart hurt whenever he got depressed. Remus just didn't know how to make it stop.

_I don't want to die, I don't want to die...._

When he was finished, he shakily got to his feet and slipped into the bathroom. He planned on taking a hot shower and melting into the tiles.

As he disappeared behind the bathroom door, a pair of gray eyes followed him. Focusing on the large bandage around his wrist.

* * *

Remus kept mostly to himself over the next few days, making Sirius' plan of avoiding him very simple. All Sirius had to do was steer clear of the library, the tree next to the lake, and the back of classrooms during class. It was relatively easy, except Sirius found that he missed him. Horribly.

Remus was a thing in Sirius' life that was beautiful. He wasn't secure, and he didn't always make Sirius happy, but he made him...alive. Not Peter, not even James could do that to him. With James he felt good. Thrilled. But not the same kind of good he felt with Remus. With Remus he felt...

He couldn't complete that sentence. It was too hard on his brain. On his heart.

Sirius knew he wasn't completely straight. He liked girls the same way he liked cigarettes and rebelling against his parents. But he liked blokes the way he liked belonging, the way he liked being accepted.

He'd even dated a couple blokes over the summer. He'd never told James about Clint. It'd been a few nights. A bit of kissing. A bit of sex. Nothing too heavy (although it was plenty hot). To say he loved Clint would be like saying he wanted to see Snape in a dress. It wasn't completely false, there were aspects of the concept that made Sirius smile, but for the most part it was a no.

But Remus was different. Beautiful, kind, patient, a little dark, a little mysterious, a lot sensitive, totally caring, and completely off limits. Remus was his _friend_and Sirius ran through partners like it was a race. He couldn't do that to Remus...no matter how much he lusted after the lycan.

This was not the only flaw in Sirius' hastily concocted plan. There was also the slight issue that the full was soon approaching. Sirius never missed a full. Even after The Incident, he was there for Moony to claw and tear through. And so it caught him off guard when Remus caught him in the hall one afternoon before lunch.

"Sirius," he intoned quietly, "I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't mean to--I mean--I shouldn't have--" he hung his head. "Please forgive me."

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing to forgive, Moony."

Remus smiled. When Sirius used his pet name, everything was alright. But then his smile melted away. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

A wrinkle formed between Sirius' brows. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Remus led Sirius to a classroom near the great hall and cast a quick locking spell on the door. Sirius cocked his head, in question. Remus turned and gave Sirius a grim look.

"Sirius--Padfoot..." he looked away, gnawing on his lower lip.

Sirius licked his lips hungrily. "What is it, lov--Remus?"

"I..." Remus rubbed the back of his neck and looked Sirius square in the eye. "It is a melancholy truth that I will have to decline your presence during the full moon the following week." Remus hid behind his intellect during times of duress. Sirius recognized it immediately.

Heavily, Sirius plopped down on a desk. "Remus...why? I don't get it."

The boy looked away his eyes fogging over. "I...I just don't...I don't want you there, Sirius."

"What about James? Peter? Can they come? Why can't I? Are you still mad about what happened the other night? Because, I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry! Is that enough for you? Do you still have to punish m--"

"No, Sirius," Remus whispered, still casting his eyes downward, "James and Peter are not attending the night's events."

Sirius caught Remus' chin. "Then what is it? What? Are you punishing yourself or something, because that's really selfish--" He jerked Remus' face towards him and immediately dropped it. Remus' eyes were brimming with tears and there was a pleading in his eyes. Please dont push this, Padfoot, his eyes said, Please.

Disgusted with himself, Sirius nodded slowly. "Alright, Moony. But the moon after that I--"

"No, Sirius! Please, just...just listen to me. You can't ever come to a full moon again. I already told James and Peter. We've already had our last moon together."

"Remus, that's just stupid."

He bowed his head, hastily wiping at his eyes. He sure was doing a hell of a lot of crying lately. "I know. Just please. For me?"

There was a moment of suspended silence then, "Alright, Moony. Alright. Just take care of yourself, okay?"

"Okay."

Remus gave him a grateful smile which Sirius returned.

_Like hell I'm not going to the full moon._

* * *

_Saturday_

Remus had disappeared before lunch and skipped all the classes after that, so Sirius assumed he'd already gone to The Shrieking Shack. During dinner, he left James and Peter under the excuse that he was knackered from a trying day and needed some sleep. He then took James' invisibility cloak and waited in the tunnel of The Shack until moonrise.

He counted to two hundred and fifty (the average number of seconds it took Remus to transform plus ten seconds for precaution) and transformed into Padfoot to trot up the stairs.

When he got up there, it was strangely quiet. He nudged open the door with the nose to find...emptiness.

Padfoot sniffed around the room for Moony's scent. It was faint and at least a month old. Remus hadn't been there that night.

* * *

Remus stood in front of the Werewolf Department for the second time this month with a feeling on dread in his stomach. He turned to the desk outside the department room. Mr. Humphrey had been replaced with an intern with a nametag; Madeline who looked absolutely terrified. It was fifteen minutes until moonrise and his hands were bound behind him. A _precaution_the witch at the front desk of Magizoology had told him.

"Um. Hello. Your name is?"

"Remus Lupin."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I meant...erm...your number...sir?"

"Seven eight three nine six," Remus intoned robotically. He was beginning to recite his number a great deal.

She quickly scrawled his number down on her clipboard. "And you're here for...containment?" She had a sweet, innocent manner to her, despite her utter terror of Remus.

"Yes."

She stood hastily from her desk, keeping a wide distance between herself and Remus. "Alright, erm, Mr. Lupin. Do follow me."

Madeline walked quickly into the Werewolf Department room, unlocking another door, which led to an equally small room and a door reading; CONTAINMENT, DO NOT ENTER in large, red letters.

She unlocked it hastily, every now and then glancing at Remus lest he suddenly thirst for her blood. "Um, your cell number will be," she looked down at her clipboard, pushing a pair of glasses up off the tip of her nose. "465. Come with me, yeah?"

There were rows and rows of cages, mostly empty, all of them barely large enough for a full grown man to crouch in it. The cells that were occupied housed mostly young adults and children--all under the age of twenty. They looked at Remus with sad, empathetic eyes.

"Here you go, erm, sir." She opened the cage for him, allowing Remus to crawl into it. He was so tall that the arch of his back touched the top of the cage. "The full moon is in about a minute, so...I'll see you in the morning."

Remus smiled politely at her and started counting.

He made it all the way up to one hundred before the transformation started.

Screaming chorused down the rows of cages as fifty three humans became monsters.

* * *

The next morning at Hogwarts, the boys got their post. Peter was just opening up a letter from home when James opened up the Daily Prophet. His eyes grew wide as saucers as he read the column. Sirius watched him with detached interest. He didn't get The Prophet himself--finding it too full of idle gossip and hyperboled news.

"Um, mates. You'd better, um...well you'd better see this." He looked up at Sirius, genuine concern and fear glowing in his eyes.

Sirius snatched it away immediately.

NEW WEREWOLF ACT PASSED, ACT MANDATES THAT ALL WEREWOLVES UNDER 21 TO BE EXECUTED. NICOLAS HUMPHREY INTERVIEWED.

* * *


	4. Holding Out on Forever

* * *

**Holding Out on Forever**

* * *

Sirius' eyes scanned the paper furiously. Peter read over his shoulder, watery eyes growing wider and wider as he read. Sirius, who read at a faster clip than Peter, slammed the paper down before Peter could finish the last sentence.

"What the fuck," he hissed to James, voice dangerously low. Sirius' anger came in three levels: loud, louder, and deadly quiet. It was when he was truly infuriated that his voice dipped down to an almost inaudible volume. "was Remus thinking?"

Peter picked up the paper and read the last sentence aloud, "'It's about time we got rid of them,' Humphrey told the Prophet 'After that bloke was slaughtered by the beast, it only makes sense that the Ministry would respond.'" Peter looked up to James for guidance.

"Mate, maybe he doesn't know ye--"

"Like hell he doesn't know." Sirius growled. "The fucking Prophet said that 'all werewolves have been notified of their termination date.' Fucking bastards."

Peter continued with another selection of Humphrey's less than kind words. "'The werewolf breed has been a threat to wizards and witches everywhere from the beginning of time. The ministry should at the very least dispose of the up and coming beasts.'"

"You can't blame him for not wanting to tell us, Sirius. He's probably having a hard time with it himself."

"After interviewing Mr. Humphrey, The Prophet went on to explore the conditions of the werewolves' demise. Each werewolf's termination date varies on its birthdays and when it is convienient for The Ministry of Magic..."

"Well, what the fuck are we supposed to do about it if he doesn't fucking tell us? We can't very well help him if he doesn't _tell_ us."

"...the method of disposal varies, but most werewolves will be injected with arsenate or shot with a silver bullet for good measu--"

"Would you shut the fuck _up_, Wormtail!"

Sirius' anger had reached a breaking point, and his voice boomed across the Great Hall. Several professors stood to escort Sirius away.

James grabbed Sirius' arm, "Let's talk about this up in the common room."

Peter followed along behind them, paper in tow.

"I don't understand," Peter said when they got in the dorm, "Why are they persecuting them?"

"Because," James started sadly, "another werewolf bit and killed the son of a prominent Ministry figure. This is their way of exacting revenge."

"And fucking prejudice." Sirius was pacing the dormitory furiously, fists clenched at his side. His breath came in short stabs of air and his lip was curled into a menacing snarl. "The Ministry has always hated the werewolves."

"I can kind of see why they'd be upset, though."

Sirius whipped to Peter. Fury lighting in his eyes. His nostrils flared. Quietly, he hissed, "What did you just say?"

"I m-mean, well what I mean is...well a werewolf killed somebody. Th-they have to do something."

Sirius hit Peter square in the jaw and then slammed him to the ground. "Never," he growled between punches, "Ever. Suggest that Remus. Deserves. To die."

James pulled Sirius off of Peter, who scuttled away to the bathroom, cradeling his bleeding nose.

"Sirius, he didn't mean to suggest that Remus deserved to die. He was just trying to ease your tension." Immediately, he realized that he was dealing with a mercurial Sirius and it was best to stay on his side. "Not that he was right in what he was just saying. You were just...he just doesn't take punches very well. You shouldn't have done that."

"Little bastard," Sirius panted, "deserved it. Going after Remus like that."

James' head cocked a bit to the side. "What's up with you? I'm upset too, Sirius. Remus doesn't deserve this. But..."

His eyes suddenly lit.

"But...you..."

"It's nothing like that!" Sirius all but screamed. "I'm just..." He sunk onto his bed and held his head in his hands. "He can't die, Prongs. He can't. I don't know what I'm going to do without him."

James' eyes filled with pity and he rubbed Sirius' back in small, awkward circles. "I know, mate. I know."

* * *

Remus woke up on a cold cement floor with a broken nose, a black eye, and a gaping wound than ran from his ankle to his armpit. He tried to stand, but found that his leg was broken, probably from lashing out against the cage. Upon further inspection, he noticed a bite mark on his left ankle. He looked over to the cage on his right and saw a girl about his age, if not a little younger. Like him, her clothes were ripped and bloody. She gave him an apologetic look.

"I'm s-sorry. I th-think I did that."

Remus shook her apology away. Don't worry. It's my fault for sticking my leg through the bars." He laughed meekly and she returned the favour. "How old are you?"

"Fourteen."

"Oh."

"You?"

"Seventeen."

"When's your date?"

"November 29th, yours?"

"In a week."

"Oh."

She nodded but didn't say anything else. Remus realized this was probably smart. No need to connect to people who were going to be gone before you could even get to know them.

The intern, Madeline, came in tentatively and unlocked their cages. Remus managed to crawl out of his cage without using his left leg, and shuffle drag his way across the floor. Like him, the other fifty some people looked more dead than alive.

He was greeted on the outside of The Ministry of Magic by his mother and a fresh set of clothes.

"Thanks, Mum." He muttered as he shouldered the jacket. His trousers had remained mostly in tact, if not a bit bloody.

"What happened to your leg?"

"It's alright. Do you have my wand, I bet I could fix it in a moment."

Mary produced the wand immediately, and allowed Remus to fix it. "I know you wanted to go back to Hogwarts today, but I'm not sure that's a good id--"

"Mum, please let me go. I'll be fine."

Mary nodded, unwilling to argue with her dying son.

* * *

There were some truths, that hurt so badly they swell up and threaten to crush those who realize them. This was one of those truths; the kind that come up to meet people before they are ready. The kind that kills a person.

The kind that makes a person.

Sirius couldn't let Remus die. He couldn't. This went beyond human decency and friendship. Beyond his compassion and protectiveness for the boy and into something so dark and scary, Sirius could barely think the word.

He loved him.

Loved him, loved him, loved Remus.

And now, now that he'd finally come to terms with it, Remus would be lost for him forever.

Sirius decided, then and there, the day that Remus died, he would die as well.

Pain swelled in his chest as the door to the dormitory clicked open. James and Peter were already in bed, so that left just one person:

Remus.

He was limping and using a cane to walk. He hobbled into the room before his eyes lit on Sirius.

"Sirius, I didn't expect you to be--"

Sirius just held up the newspaper headline in response.

Remus' eyes scanned it, and then his face crumpled. "This isn't what it loo--"

"Remus," Sirius said quietly, "Where were you. Tell me the truth."

Remus closed his eyes. "The Ministry of Magic for Containment."

"And your leg?"

"Won't heal magically. I'll have a limp for a few more days."

Sirius nodded, and gathered courage to ask what he dreaded. "When...when is your date, Remus?"

Remus set down his bags and sat next to Sirius. Sirius moved away, still furious at the boy. Remus sighed but rolled up the sleeve of his robe anyways, revealing his wrist to Sirius. "November 29th, Sirius."

"This year?" Sirius' voice caught like wool on a thorn and he couldn't seem to keep it from quavering.

Solemnly, Remus nodded. His eyes came up to meet Sirius'.

Sirius bit his lower lip and looked up towards the ceiling. "No, Remus, no."

"There's nothing that can be done, Padfoot."

"No, no, _no_!" His arms snapped out and he grabbed Remus' face, looking tearily into his eyes. "You can't do that, Remus. You can't give up. Please, Remus, for me."

"Why does it matter, Padfoot? Maybe...maybe this is for the best..."

"No."

"I never deserved to live anyway..."

"No."

"I wasn't meant to...not a person--animal--like me...Perhaps it's time..."

"NO!" Sirius fisted Remus' hair in his hands and kissed him firmly on the mouth. He kissed him with a closed mouth and so firmly their teeth clacked together. "You mean," Sirius gasped when he pulled away, pressing kisses on Remus' jaw. "Too much. To. Me. Don't let go."

Remus' breath came in short bursts, and he looked at Sirius with wide, frightened eyes. "You didn't mean that. You didn't...you couldn't..."

"I fucking love you, Remus. You...you can't."

Remus was close to tears now. "Wh-why?" he sobbed.

"Because you're too good to let go. Please, for me. Fight it. Fight them."

Remus put his head on Sirius' shoulder. "I can't fight them anymore, Padfoot. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry."

* * *

Sometimes, the greatest truths about life, we learn from death.


	5. Hold Me in My Dreams

* * *

**Hold Me in My Dreams**

* * *

They spent most of their time in each other's arms. Sirius never once let Remus out of his sight, preferring instead to hold his hand during classes and sleep in his bed at night; Remus' body cradeled in his.

James and Peter, for the most part, were understanding. Perhaps they didn't realize the depth of their friends' romance, but they did realize that what Remus and Sirius had was too special for criticisim. Besides, neither could bring themselves to resent anything Remus did at the point in time. His number was up, and everyone knew it.

Remus hadn't allowed any of the Marauders to even think about trying to rescue him. "I don't want to run away from them anymore. It isn't what I want. Let me just spend the rest of my days in peace." And, after a lot of arguing a few tears, they agreed.

All except for Sirius.

"Moony," he whispered one night, while holding Remus in his arms. "Please, Moony. Let me try. I've enough money from my uncle. Maybe I could bribe them into..."

"No, Pads." Remus mumbled sleepily. "It's okay."

Sirius growled low in his throat and Remus turned around in his arms so that he was facing Sirius.

"Sirius, please." He stroked the side of his face. "It's alright."

"They're going to murder you, Remus. And you're just going to take it lying down."

Remus smiled wryly. "Perhaps I'll be standing when they shoot me, Sirius."

Sirius' eyes flashed with anger, then quickly melted like sugar in water. Within seconds, he was crying into Remus' shoulder. "Please, Remus. Don't...don't joke that way." His fingers fisted around Remus' tawny hair. "I can't stand it. I finally got you and now...now what am I supposed to do? Let you die? You're better than this, Remus. Fight it, please, Remus, please."

Quietly, Remus sat up and pulled Sirius into his lap. "Don't you understand, Sirius? You won't be losing anything. Just a mangled, disgusting mutant form of a human. I'm nothing, Padfoot. Really, it'll be better without me."

"No it won't!" Sirius jerked out of Remus' lap. "Don't talk like that! Don't you fucking dare!"

"It'd be better, Sirius." He smiled sadly, "You won't have to hurt anymore over me. No more full moons. No more ragged, loopy Lupin to drag you down. I'm broken, don't you see? It's about time someone came to pick up the pieces and throw them away."

"No, Remus. No." Sirius grabbed Remus' head and kissed him so hard and so passionately that Remus was left gasping for air. "You're beautiful and I love you. So much would be missing in this world without you. Stop doing this. Just...stop."

"Sirius?" Remus gasped.

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too. So much."

* * *

The next month passed by more quickly than anyone would have liked to admit. At the end of it, Remus left Hogwarts for home. He wanted to spend his final days at home with his family. James and Peter watched him go sadly, not knowing where Sirius had gone to.

"It feels unreal," said Peter grimly as Remus mounted his broom and flew off towards London. "Like this isn't really the last time we'll see him at Hogwarts."

"I can't believe it, either. Pete. I'm just...I dunno, frozen. Like, I dunno, I'm not sure what to do, you know?"

"We'll see him again before...November 29th. We'll see him the whole week."

"Yeah, yeah I know."

"Do you suppose he'll want us to be there when he...when they..."

"I dunno, Peter. I just don't know anything anymore."

When they got up to the dorm, they found Sirius lying in Remus' bed, hand fisted in the sheets, tears running down his face and onto Remus' old bedclothes. "Is--Is he gone?" He voice was so steady, one could barely tell he'd been crying.

"Yeah, Sirius. He's gone."

Sirius' face clenched in pain and he buried his face into Remus' blanket. James could swear he heard a muffled sob. He sat down on the bed next to Sirius. "I'm sorry, mate. I know you and Remus...I dunno _loved_ each other."

"I didn't have any time with him, Prongs. He's gone."

"We'll see him again."

"Just for a week."

"A year wouldn't be enough time."

Sirius sat up suddenly. "I'm going after those bastards."

"Sirius, no."

"They'd listen to a fucking Black, wouldn't they?"

"Sirius, Remus doesn't want this."

"I'd have a whole month, that'd be enough."

"Sirius, no. Remus doesn't want us to intervene. And the probability--"

"They'd listen. They'd have to." Sirius stood up from the bed, tears turning to determination in his eyes.

"Sirius, James is right. You shouldn't get your hopes up--"

"And what am I supposed to do, Peter? Just stand back and let Remus die? Fuck no. He...he deserves better than that. Now are you with me or not?"

James and Peter looked at each other hesitantly. James then patted Sirius on the back. "I'm in. Peter is too."

Peter sighed, "Just don't get your hopes up, Sirius."

* * *

He was running, no, _sprinting_ down the hall of some foreign building. Panting, nearly screaming with the pain in his wounded leg. Blood is running from the corner of his mouth and his left eye is completely missing. A gaping, black whole. The pain is unbearable. But he can't scream, can't even breathe. He must remain perfectly quiet for fear of _them_ finding him.

_Them_.

"I've got you, now." A booming voice echoes down the hall. It's evil in its curling tone like smoke. His heart quickens in his chest.

He runs faster, feet moving so fast his body cannot possibly keep pace. As he runs, more blood pours from his body. His other eye disappears. And he's blind. He runs unseeingly, running into walls and feeling his way towards the end.

"No need to run, you monster. It's only a matter of time."

Sirius watches on from some omnipotent place, horror crawling through his bones. Remus. His Remus.

A loud bang sounds from nowhere. Sirius looks down the hall and sees its from a disembodied metal gun. He turns back to Remus in shock, and sees the boy fall to the ground.

Sirius tries to move towards Remus, but is unable to. He is frozen, unable to do anything.

Remus screams in agony as the silver makes its way through his blood. "Sirius!" he screams into the unforgiving silence. Nothing. Sirius is unable to respond. He is forced to watch the most beautiful thing in his life die a slow, and painful death. It's too much to bear, and Sirius looks away.

He wakes up gasping and sweating.

_Only a dream_, he tries to comfort himself, and then is reminded, _a dream that could turn reality._


	6. Never Let You Go

* * *

**Never Let You Go**

* * *

"Sirius, it's nearly two in the morn--"

"Hush." Sirius was studiously, and desperately, reading "I think I found someth--no wait. It was a banshee not a werewolf. Damn."

Peter yawned widely and cast his arm over a tower of books. They'd been in the library since noon and it was bordering on morning. "Mate, I think you've gone through every book on executions administered by the Ministry of Magic, and found nothing. This is hopeless."

Sirius' eyes jerked up and he glared. "If you're willing to let Remus die without so much as raising a pinky finger..."

"That's not what I'm saying at all! I just think that--"

"Library's closing boys," Madame Pince said curtly. She appeared like a ghost in front of them. "Get up and get out."

Sirius' steely glance morphed into a honey-sweet smile. "But Madame Pince, we just have a few more pages to read and our research is--"

"Out."

"Ple--"

"Out."

"But--"

"Out."

"Fine." Sirius gathered the books huffily and glared at James and Peter until they'd picked up an equal amount. "We'll be around later, then."

He stormed out of the library, clutching the books to his chest vehemently. Reluctantly, Peter and James trailed after him.

"Sirius, really. This isn't nessecary. We have some informatio--"

"NOT ENOUGH!" Sirius bellowed. His face livid, eyes flashing. "REMUS IS GOING TO _DIE_ AND YOU TWO DON'T SEEM TO GIVE A DAMN!"

"Sirius, we care, we just don't want you to--"

"James, shut up! Belching Boggarts!" He plowed through the portrait hole and marched up the stairs, shoving past a gaggle of sixth years on their way to bed.

Peter turned to James, "Do you think he'd do this much if either of us were dying?"

"Probably. Knowing Sirius, he'd do this for anyone he felt strongly about."

* * *

The week that followed passed in a bleary, uncomfortable haze. Classes, research, sleep. Classes, research, sleep. A dull cycle whose dreariness was intensified by the glare of Remus' impending execution.

One night was particularily bad. Sirius wouldn't go to bed, and was scrawling letter after letter to important figures in the Magizoology Department. He snapped at anyone who disturbed him and even left a first year in tears.

"Little bugger deserved it," he said when James chastized him for it.

The next morning, Sirius wasn't at breakfast. He wasn't in the first classes and wasn't even there for lunch.

Peter went up to the dorms to check and see if he was there. James sat at the table, for the first time since he'd come to Hogwarts, alone. He realized how empty he'd feel without his friends and a fresh wave of pain for losing Remus washed over him. He looked up when he saw Peter coming his way. Looking at James with a shaking head, Peter sat next to James at the table.

"He isn't there. All of his clothes are there, so he didn't leave to see Remus. So I went and spoke to Professor Dumbledore and asked where he was." Peter pulled a plate of sandwiches toward him and plucked two off the plate.

"What did he say?"

Peter let go of the sandwhich and looked to Sirius worriedly. "He went to the Ministry, Prongs."

When Sirius came back, it was late and his energy was spent. He was carrying a stack of important looking papers all with headings like: Department of Magizoology and Ministry of Magic Disciplinary Division and other such nonsense.

Sirius slumped against the doorframe after entering. James and Peter stood suddenly, taking into consideration his good robes and and combed back hair.

After a long, pregnant pause, James whispered, "What'd they say, Padfoot?"

Sirius looked up to James and Peter, tears sparking in his eyes. "There--there was a reason he didn't want our help."

He sat down on the bed and began to cry.

**Ministry of Magic**

**Department of Magizoology**

**Petition for Delay in Execution**

**Name of Werewolf: **_Remus James Lupin_

**Number of Werewolf: **_78396_

**Name of Petitioner: **_Sirius Orion Black_

**Reason for Petition:**

**I, **_Sirius Orion Black_**, do hereby announce that I will take on full responsibilities for the werewolf in question. I will treat it as I would a House Elf or any other secondary creature. I accept him as mine.**

_Sirius Black_

**I,, do hereby announce that I will submit myself fully to the petitioner in question. I will treat him/her as I would a master or any other primary creature. I am subserviant to him/her.**

"I," Sirius choked after showing his mates the paper, "Need his signature. To...to save his life."

James gawked. "They didn't mention this in the papers."

* * *

_Author's Note: Please forgive me. I will also be out of town for a week, so please do not expect any updates until I get back. Again, I'm sorry for the delay and the brevity of the chapter as well as the cliff-hanger. Also, I do not like to leave Author's Notes, but I thought it only fair._


	7. Flightless Bird

* * *

**Flightless Bird**

**

* * *

**

Remus was sitting at home in his mother's sitting room, knitting a blanket for Mary. His plan had been to leave her something to remember him by once he'd passed. He knew that his death would be terrible for her--especially considering that there had been an alternative. He had been her baby, despite his lycanthropy. Someone who she could depend on to need and love her. Mary was a great deal like Remus in that she loved deeply and quietly. Mary had always tended to Remus' needs carefully and with the grace of a true lady. It hurt Remus to leave her.

In all reality, Remus had thought about the second door--his door to life. To slavery. But the option had seemed too horrible, too degrading. And after reading literature on the subject, he knew that he could never subjugate himself to that degree. The spells and bonds that such an arrangement would create...the thought horrified him. He was not the only one who felt this way about the second door. Most werewolves chose death over resorting to be the slave of another person.

Remus would be no different.

It was true, he was afraid of death. The silver nitrate that would sink into his veins would be painful physically and emotionally. But he had found a certain peace in his execution. At least this way, he'd be able to say goodbye. He had found the love of his life in Sirius, his parents would get the closure they needed, and he'd see his friends the week before his execution. There were worse ways to die, he realized, some of them more painful and disjointed. Death by execution would be neat and clean. No surprises.

He had just settled himself into the chair, contemplating the afterlife, when a heavy rap came upon his door.

Thinking it was probably a Ministry official here to tell him that there was something wrong with his papers, he begrudgingly stood to get the door. Remus flung open the door, ready to face more prejudice and condescension.

"Sirius?" Sirius had been looking down and he looked up at Remus with large, woebegone eyes. "What's the matter? Why are you here?"

Sirius merely held up the papers in response. Remus' eyes quickly scanned over them and the line between his brows formed--the line that only appeared when something deeply disturbed him.

"Wh-where did you get those?"

"Why didn't you tell us, Remus?"

"Where did you f-find those?"

"I could have found out after it was too late. After you'd died. Can you imagine the guilt and regret I'd feel?"

"Where did you find those, Sirius?"

"We can save you, Remus. We can save you. I promise, it'll be okay. Please, I need your signature."

"Where did you find them."

"The Ministry." Sirius' voice, although cracked with pain, was calm and measured, "I got them when I went to the Ministry. Now please, Remus. Just sign them. Let yourself live. Please."

Remus' face turned three shades of scarlet, then a pale white. He hung his head low. "I told you not to go to the Ministry, Sirius. Why did you go?"

"Just sign them, Remus. Please. For me."

Remus' face crumpled. Everything seemed to slip from him. He'd given up. "I...I can't, Sirius. I won't."

"But why?"

"I couldn't..." he held his head in his hands, "I can't live that way, Sirius. I wouldn't be able to...be subservant to someone. Do you understand? Do you see how I can't lower myself like that? I'd rather die than be someone's slave. Quite literally."

Sirius came and held Remus' hands, forcing his head up. "But it's me, Moony. It'd be me. I'd treat you no differently, like an equal. Please, don't...don't let me lose you. I just got you, just found you. Don't make me let you go." He was babbling now, incoherently and desperately. "Please, Remus. Moony. Listen to me. Just sign them. Please."

"No."

"Remus, please. Everyone wants you to live."

"Well maybe the life you propose I live isn't really living at all."

"Please Remus. I'll do anything. Anything. I promise we'll be happy together."

Remus bit his lip and shook his head. "No, Sirius. No."

"Remus..."

"No! Goddamn you! No!" His face contorted in his anger, a rare sight on his stoic face. "I won't do it! I fucking _want_ to die and it doesn't matter!" Remus began to cry. Dry, hard sobs that coursed through his chest and shuddered his lithe frame.

Sirius held him there until Remus' parents came into the room.

* * *

Sirius returned to Hogwarts that night, haggard and exhausted. Remus had cried for a solid hour, mumbling into Sirius' shoulder. He had heard the fear in Remus' voice, a fear that struck down to his very core.

"What happened?" James was sitting on the edge of his bed. Peter had already fallen asleep, but James had waited up for him.

"He won't do it."

James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. As a result, it stood up on end even more. James looked almost as tired as Sirius felt. Almost.

"Did he give a reason?"

"You know Moony."

James nodded. "Sirius, do you know what I would do?"

Sirius looked up. In his eyes, there was a deep sorrow. The same sorrow that was embedded in his eyes when he found out that his brother was a Death Eater. Remorse, pain, insecurity. It made James wince with pity for his brother.

"I'd let him go."

James had expected a blow up, some sort of severe reaction from a choleric Sirius. Instead, he got a nod, a good night, and a dark dorm room. He should have expected more.

* * *

A light flickered from the tip of Sirius' wand. He balanced an ink pot on his pillow, and laid the papers flat across his sheets. Taking a deep breath, he dipped the quill into the ink and wrote in a loopy, spidery font,

_Remus James Lupin_.

It was done.

* * *

_Author's Note: I have a reason for the delay and the short chapter. I've fallen in love. My partner has taken up a great deal of my time. I only managed to get this out because she's in Ireland this week visiting family. We'll see what I can write while she's gone._

_Wish me luck._


	8. Shouldn't

**Shouldn't**

**

* * *

**

Remus was confused. On his bed, freshly delivered by a Screech Owl, was a letter from the Ministry of Magic. It was sealed and light when he picked up it, suggesting that whatever was inside was important but brief.

That frightened him the most.

The Ministry delighted in sending cryptically short and vague notes that only detailed in instructing where Remus should report and when. He nervously gnawed at his lower lip before slipping a long finger beneath the flap and prying it open.

His eyes flitted across the paper before a long sigh came. Tomorrow at ten. Remus glanced towards the open door. Across the hall was his father's study, and he was busy with something urgent. He could hear his mother cooking in the kitchen, the muggle radio on. Her favorite singer was on, gently intoning something about the moon.

He couldn't tell them. Whatever it was that the Ministry wanted, for it he could go alone.

* * *

Sirius was nervous. He'd arrived promptly at nine so as not to be a minute too late. The small woman at the front desk had instructed him to sit in the waiting area and fill out some forms. Most of the questions were easy—Name, D.O.B., Current Address, How long have you known the werewolf in question?—but some were harder—Do you know the proper technique for werewolf disposal? In the event of incident, what are some of the werewolf in question's vulnerabilities?—and so on.

Every time the door opened, Sirius jerked and nearly fell out of his chair from anxiety. Usually it was just a worker, passing through, or a werewolf reporting for their bimonthly appointment with the Department of Magizoology.

He could feel their inquisitive eyes. Asking who he was. Was he a werewolf? Why was he here?

The secretary collected his papers, returned to her desk and looked up when the door opened. Sirius clenched his jaw; this time he was certain that it was Remus.

Remus didn't see Sirius at first. At first, he walked towards the secretary's desk, gave his name and number. He spent a few quiet moments trying to discern why he was there, but the woman wouldn't give him anything other than, "An official will be with you in a moment. Please sit."

But when he turned to sit, he came face to face with Sirius.

"Padfoo--?'

"Lupin?" A quiet voice came from the door. The man was tall, imposing, and angular. He had an air about him that suggested silent contempt, but a rigorous adherence to the rules of polite society.

Remus raised an eye at Sirius, but turned. "That would be me."

"Alright. My name is Swickley, Lupin." He peered around Remus' shoulder. "Who is this?"

Sirius stood. "Sirius Black."

Swickley's mouth twitched in recognition of the name, but he made no further gesture. "Will you be accompanying us for the procedure, Mr. Black?"

"Yes."

"Very well." Swickley turned back to the door he'd emerged from, implying that Remus and Sirius should follow him.

Remus caught Sirius' arm. "What's going on, Padfoot?"

Sirius blushed. "I don't know." He tried to push them into the room, but Remus stopped him.

"You're lying, Sirius. What's going on?"

Sirius winced. "Please, Moony, let's just go."

Remus' eyes hardened. "Sirius, what did y—"

"If you wouldn't mind," Swickley said coolly, "I'd like to close the door before we proceed."

Remus nodded and released Sirius' arm. He made his way familiarly to the center of the room towards the medical cot. Swickley stopped him with a casual clearing of his throat.

"We won't be needing that today. We'll use that instead." Swickley jerked his chin towards what appeared to be an oversized ironing board with straps attached.

Remus paled visibly in the dim light. "Excuse me, sir, but I thought I had another few weeks before my exe—"

Swickley calmly ticked something off his clipboard and set it down on the cot. "Your execution is void, Lupin. Please set over here."

Sirius could see Remus beginning to panic. His fists were balled and his jaw tight. "I'm sorry, sir, but my parents should really be here for this. If you don't mind I could—"

"Lupin, this will last all of five minutes. Step here." There was a cold command in Swickley's voice that scared Sirius. It suggested that if Remus didn't do as told, something horrible would happen. "Now."

Sirius placed a gentle hand on Remus' elbow. "Come on, love. Just do it, please."

Remus swallowed hard, not looking at Sirius. He leaned against the board and allowed Swickley to fasten his hands, ankles, and torso to the board. Bile rose in Sirius' throat, but he remained taciturn and unfeeling...outwardly.

"It's a simple procedure. Mr. Black, if you would like to turn away for a moment, this part can be uncomfortable."

Sirius shook his head, unable to force his tongue into speaking.

"Very well. I take it you're his owner?"

Remus seized up. "Sirius, you didn't."

Sirius shook his head violently, "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm so sorry."

"Sirius, you promised." There was an edge to Remus' voice now, something desperate and panicked. "Sirius, you cannot…you didn't…"

"I didn't know what else to do…"

Swickley continued as if he couldn't hear anything. He located his wand from his robes and touched it to the inside of Remus' right elbow.

Remus was thrashing against the bindings now. "Sirius, I told you not to. Tell him not to. There's a reason why you can't—"

"Please stop moving, Lupin. It's making it a bit difficult to do this right."

"Moony, I didn't have a choice. They were going to—"

A spark of light flew from Swickley's wand. It sunk deep into Remus' arm and he whimpered in pain.

"Sirius, you shouldn't have done this."

Swickley moved to the other arm and the same happened. The scorch marks on his skin hovered for a moment before disintegrating.

"I'm sorry, Moony. I didn't know what else to do."

Swickley brushed his wand across Remus' forehead and then his torso. Remus winced.

"Please move your chin up."

Remus gave a final, sad look to Sirius before he did as much. Swickley made a quick pattern across his jugular with the wand before sinking it just below Remus' Adam's apple.

"I would highly suggest you turn away, Mr. Black."

"I'm sorry, Remus."

Swickley muttered something and, although nothing visible happened, Remus' mouth opened in a silent scream before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he lost consciousness.

Sirius turned away after Remus had fainted. He couldn't watch the rest.

* * *

_Author's Note: Praise the lord, it finally worked. To be honest, the delay caused me to lose much of what was already written and therefore the original plot progression. At least it's working again, no?_


	9. Gentle Coercion

**Gentle Coercion**

**

* * *

**

Remus woke to exquisite pain. It consumed every nerve-ending and ran hot currents over, through, and under his freezing skin. He felt as if he were a frozen over volcano; the heat inside of him threatened to melt his forzen skin.

His blood was boiling where his bones were frosted over. It felt nothing like the change; with the change there was a horrible pain and then sudden reversal. The change meant quick, agonizing anguish and then sudden unconscious relief.

This, this was a dull, throbbing ache rather than the spontaneous bursts of agony.

Something was pounding behind his ears, words surged into his temples at too loud a volume, if they did not stop soon his head would suddenly explode and that would be the end.

"Sirius…do you know what this…no mind of his own…anything you say…impervious curse…"

It sounded like Lily, but worse. Like Lily was inside his head shrieking and echoing over herself so he couldn't make sense of the words. It sounded like he was in the depths of a too large cave and a thousand Lilys were screaming at him. Remus longed to wrench his ears out, but could not seem to find his hands.

"What did you expect me to do?"

And that was Sirius. His words made more sense, but not by much. He was enveloped in a fog by Sirius' words and filled with the awful feeling of _need. _No, more than need: absolute compliance. Anything, he'd do anything right now.

Remus shuddered within himself but was still unable to move: he felt too fragile, too exhausted to move.

"Why'd you bring him here?"

James.

"Madame Pomfrey…his parents..kill me…"

Remus wanted to tell them to shut up. They're voices were killing him. He literally felt as if any upcoming word could sever the fragile tendril he held to life. He was going to die under their verbal assault. Sirius' was the worst. Every word rattled through him as if Sirius himself had seized his bones and torn them out. Every hum of vowels echoed throughout his veins, pushing him to move. To do. To please. If Remus could only just find his body...

Remus' mouth--strangely detatched from himself, but still there--was pried open by cold, slim fingers and something cool and bitter slipped past his throat. Relief pulsed through him and the fiery ice that lurched through his body abated. Remus could feel his nerve endings sizzle and settle into a contented numbness.

Another potion was forced down his throat and his senses settled. The voices weren't as loud. His skin still burned as if he were covered in liquid silver, but it was nothing compared to the waves of anguish that had crashed over him before.

"Turn him over," Sirius said. White-hot need pulsed through Remus to make it so, but before he could even think to do anything, another pair of hands had turned Remus onto his stomach. The pain was gone and the edge was removed from his senses, but Sirius' voice was still the rising death knell. It was still the blood that coursed through him.

Something wonderfully cool was slathered over his back and neck. Remus wanted to weep in relief, but was unable to break the glass of his unconsciousness.

"What if he doesn't wake up, Sirius?"

"He'll wake up!" Sirius whispered harshly. Remus felt his hands turn him over again and more bliss was spread over his neck and chest—the source of pain. He felt cocooned in this wonderful non-feeling. He could stay here forever. "He's got to. Please wake up, Remus."

It was as if the hands of a supreme being had delved into Remus' body and jerked him out of his body. Remus jolted up, his eyes painfully pried open by some unknown force. His joints popped and muscles protested against his sudden wake. Pain spasmed through his body like electricity, but was soon sated when the command was complete.

Around him were the stunned faces of Lily, James, and Sirius—peering at him from around the bed. The room was dimly lit as if it were sometime late at night.

And then it hit him. He was bonded to Sirius.

Remus leapt from the bed and desperately searched for his shirt. He yanked the white cotton over his head and strode towards the door.

"I can't believe you," he growled at Sirius. Anger, he felt anger.

"Remus, wait." Lily called to him, echoed quickly by James.

Remus growled and fiercely grabbed the doorknob. Betrayal and anger mingled.

"Moony, you know I didn't—"

"Shut up, Sirius. Just let me—"

"Moony, let me explain!"

Remus' jaw clacked up against teeth as if he'd been punched from below. His muscles in his neck tore his chin towards Sirius so he was forced to face him, alert. Tears formed behind his eyes, hot and penetrating, as the pain of his body's actions set in. Not only did he move against his own accord, but if he had resisted the white hot pain would return.

The room was quiet. Lily's mouth was agape, her fist clutched around her collar in surprise. James' jaw was set in a firm, grim frown. Sirius' face was blank with shock. His face was wide and expansive, allowing his actions to seep in.

"I didn't know, Remus. Oh, god. I thought…I had to…I couldn't let you die."

"And this is so much better, Sirius. So. Much. Better."

Lily quietly pulled at James' sleeve, motioning that they should leave.

Sirius' eyes hardened at Remus' tone. "I had to do it, Moony. I couldn't just let you…what would you have done?"

Remus stared silently at him, allowing James and Lily to shuffle past him and through the door. Sirius waited until they were completely alone to respond.

"Please, Moony just answer me—"

"I wouldn't have done this." Remus sighed and bit his lip, wishing that he hadn't said anything. The echo of desperation throbbed through him, but was melting as he did as Sirius commanded. "I hate losing control, Sirius. You knew that. I didn't want this. I…"

"I'm sorry, Remus. I won't…I'd never…"

Remus shrugged helplessly, "You can't help it, Sirius. Your will is my…well it's my action. You need only tell me and I'll do it. It's too late now."

Remus' hand was on the door. Sirius watched him open the door with a sort of sad ferocious longing. "Remus, I…"

Remus sighed and turned around, releasing the doorknob. "I know, Sirius." He raised his right arm with the palm facing outward. It barely hovered above his hip, but Sirius knew what it meant.

He tumbled into his arms needing to get closer, closer, closest. Remus felt an odd pull in his chest, but tried to ignore it.

* * *

_Author's Note: It's coming, folks. I'm sorry it is moving so slowly. I don't really have an excuse except for school and relationships. Not to mention I'm trying to quit smoking...which is a bitch. Public service announcement: Never start smoking because stopping sucks._


	10. Madly and Sincerely

**Madly and Sincerely**

_Alert: This chapter is slightly graphic both sexually and violently. I don't intend to make anyone ill, but I will not take responsibility if you find it too descriptive for your liking._

**

* * *

**

It hadn't started out so badly. It took a great deal of explanation to Remus' parents (especially Mary as she was slow to understand the burgeoning relationship between Sirius and her son) but Dumbledore and his eerie ultra-awareness made the process of returning Remus to school a simple one.

Dumbledore had secretly 'let slip' that Remus had a stomach flu that rivaled the intensity of the Bubonic Plague, but was fully healed and back to Hogwarts. The professors allowed Remus enough time to catch up and his absence was barely noted.

All things considered, it was passing. It was as if Remus had floated a leaf on the surface of passing water, and it had sailed away. Gone, all of it.

Except the bonding itself.

In the beginning, it wasn't too difficult. Sirius was extraordinarily careful not to toss out any idle commands or even insinuate something that Remus would have to obey. Of course Remus had that awful ache whenever Sirius wanted something, even if he didn't verbally confirm his need. Sometimes, when Sirius wanted something badly enough, Remus would double over in pain to the point where he wanted Sirius to tell him to do something. Wanted to be ordered just to remove the searing agony.

But, like most forms of pain, Remus was able to ignore it. Pretend it was nothing more than a dull tug on his nerve endings to go in the direction Sirius wanted.

There were moments where Remus hated the bond—the moments when Sirius slipped and inadvertently commanded Remus to do something. Like 'pass the gravy' or 'come to Quidditch practise.' It wasn't the command that bothered Remus—he would have passed the gravy and watched James make a fool out of himself at any rate—but it was the immediacy in which he did it.

What if Sirius were to get upset with him? What if he commanded something rash and stupid?

It wasn't until the school year had nearly reached its end when things became…difficult.

It had started, predictably, with sex.

The soft roll of hips and gentle press of tongues took on a faster, needier pace. Remus gripped Sirius' back and sank his fingertips into the flesh there. Sirius rolled atop of Remus and hastily pulled his shirt and trousers off.

Remus gasped when a hand passed over his inner thigh.

"Kiss me."

Remus didn't even have time to process the command before he was slammed up against Sirius' mouth. Sirius moaned against Remus' lips and slid his own trousers off his legs and grinded their hips together.

"Sirius I—"

Sirius sucked Remus' lower lip into his mouth, submerging them in silence save the wet sounds of their lips. He slid a hand down Remus' back and into the cotton of his pants. Remus bucked up and Sirius took the opportunity to slide two fingers and then a third inside of him.

It didn't take long before Remus was wrapped around Sirius, making quick work of his hips.

"Merlin, faster Remus."

This time Remus had time to consider resisting, but was met with his own influx of frantic movement. Remus gasped and fought for the words. "Sirius, I—"

Sirius didn't hear him. "Remus, please, oh god…"

Pain suddenly overwhelmed Remus as he felt Sirius' need to reach his orgasm. He screamed from the intensity of the onslaught of pain. He jerked away as his muscles spasm and curled into himself to try to stop the wretched fire that flared through his veins. He was under the cruciatus curse—worse. He was dying and unable to end the final convulsion of pain.

"Remus?"

The pain stopped suddenly as Sirius' libido was replaced with concern. It started anew when Remus could feel Sirius panicking.

"Remus? What's wrong? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I thought that I…that you…what happened?" Sirius' voice was thick with worry and guilt. It made Remus writhe in misplaced pain.

"Sirius, tell me…" he panted against his own unfolding torture, "…to do something…anything…now…please, hurry."

"Come here," Sirius said automatically, not understanding.

Remus turned immediately and was enveloped in Sirius' arms. He gasped in relief as the pain abated. "Thank you…Sirius."

Sirius bit his lip. He ran an absent hand through Remus' hair. "What…what happened, Moony?"

Remus blushed and tried to turn away, but Sirius kept him locked in place. "It's nothing, Padfoot."

"Clearly not. What happened? Did I hurt you?"

Not intentionally. "No…"

"Then what did?"

"Nothing, Padfoot."

Sirius heard the sharp desperation in Remus' voice and it scared him. "Tell me," he commanded quietly, hating himself, "Tell me now."

"I just…needed you…it hurts when you need something and don't tell me to do it."

Sirius froze and Remus took the opportunity to scuttle away.

"I shouldn't have told you."

"No, I…I didn't know. So you needed me to…ask you…to make me…?"

Remus gnawed on his lower lip. "Yes."

"And since I didn't…it hurt you?"

Remus didn't need to nod to affirm this.

"Does that happen…every time?"

"No," Remus was quick to explain, "Usually you ask me to do it before it does."

"Usually?"

"Well there've been times…"

Sirius' fist flew out and sunk into the headboard. It groaned from the force but did not break. "Goddamnit, Remus! I've been hurting you all this time?"

"It's not so bad…"

"I didn't even know! Does it hurt to obey too?"

Remus looked down. "A little."

"Fuck!" This time the fist landed on Sirius' own head. Remus caught it before it could return.

"Sirius, stop that. This isn't a big deal."

Pain flared in Remus' right side as a desire twisted in Sirius' heart. "I want you to hit me, Moony."

Since it was an expression of what he wanted, rather than a demand, Remus was able to withstand. His muscles spasmed from suppression, the dark magic flooding through his senses. "Sirius, no—"

"Hit me, Remus."

Remus' arm came out before he could stop it. There was a hollow thump against Sirius' bicep. "Sirius, stop, I don't—"

"Harder. Hit me harder."

Remus had no choice to obey.

"You're not even trying. Hit me as hard as you can, Merlin Moony!"

There were tears in Remus' eyes as his fist found purchase in Sirius' stomach and sent him to the ground. Sirius grunted, but curled up on the floor.

"Sirius, I—"

"I'm so sorry, Moony. So sorry…this…this wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to be okay. We were gonna be okay."

Remus bit his lip and sighed. "I know, Sirius, I know."

* * *

Sirius was out with James and Peter doing God knows what. Remus sat on his bed with the curtains drawn and his knees pressed to his chest. He had a bottle of firewhiskey cradled between the arches of his feet. It had been nearly full, but it was verging on the point of emptiness.

Sirius had been avoiding Remus since the other night. Remus supposed it was to prevent Remus from feeling Sirius' needs or obeying his commands—but it still stung like rejection. Hence the rapidly evaporating bottle of firewhiskey.

There were other ramifications of the spell; ones that Remus hadn't told Sirius yet. There was the sick feeling of magic surging through his veins and the quiet insistence that Remus be one step behind Sirius, that Remus never speak to him until spoken to. But another one of them was whenever Sirius was out Remus felt the horrid and consuming need to be with him again.

Remus bit his lip when he felt that Sirius had gone even farther away from him. It was likely that the trio were out on the grounds by now, judging by the persistent stabs of heat to his sides and temples.

It wasn't so bad. It meant more time with Sirius. Sirius had never told Remus to do anything he sincerely didn't want to do. He could live with it. He could, would live with it.

He'd have to.

Sirius made a sudden move back towards Remus and the pain lessened in his sides. Remus almost sighed in sheer relief, but was unable to draw a breath before the agony kicked up again—this time much worse.

Remus tried to bring the firewhiskey to his lips to dull the pain, but was unable to for the shaking his fingers. It slipped and spilled over the bed sheets.

"F-fuck." Remus scrambled for his wand as the pain increased tenfold. "Accio pain potion!"

The blue bottle barely made it to his hand before Remus started vomiting violently. He grabbed frantically for the rubbish bin and the nausea increased when he heard the gruesome slap of his own vomit against the pail's bottom. He attempted to lift the potion to his mouth, but couldn't for the pain in his hands. It slipped from his fingers and cracked to the floor.

Remus followed it and fell to his knees, glass sinking into his skin.

"Shit."

* * *

It was the first time in days where Sirius felt like he could breathe. The wind was whipping at his hair and coasting over his face as he glided above the Forbidden Forest with James. He could hear Peter more than fifty meters behind them, screaming that they wait for him.

Faster, faster, faster. If he could just go fast enough, just try hard enough, Sirius figured nothing would hurt anymore. Remus wouldn't hurt anymore.

James dropped from his position above Sirius to glide next to him. "Padfoot, we better head in now. Sun's setting and we stick out something fierce."

Sirius nodded and flipped backwards to turn around, laughing as he almost collided upside-down into a screaming Peter. It was good like this. Like the old days.

They made it up to the Gryffindor tower just as the sun had dipped below the horizon, laughing and giggling boisterously as they made it up the stairs. A few third years shook their heads at them, but the castle was relatively abandoned since it was nearing after hours.

James was first up the stairs and he peddled backwards into the doorway, laughing as he went. "Wonder what Remus got up to while we were—Merlin! What the fuck is that smell?" He shut the door immediately and waved a hand around his face.

Peter pushed around James and turned a pale green from the scent. He wrapped a hand around his nose. "Probably somb dumb Slyberin lebt a sting bomb in our roomb."

Sirius sniffed the air, holding back the urge to vomit. "It smells like blood." He shoved his friends out of the way and ripped the door open. James and Peter followed suit with their sleeves guarding their nostrils.

The primary source of the stench was a splattering of vomit in the waste bin next to Remus' bed. They circled around and found shards of glass scattered around the floor. A faintly pink liquid pooled around it.

"Pain potion."

James waved his wand and the waste bin cleaned itself and the bottle with its contents swirled back in place. All that was left was the blood that had mingled with the potion.

"Moony!" Sirius was already in the bathroom, checking the shower compartments for his friend. "Moony, for Merlin's sake where are you!"

White shower curtains fluttered to the floor, some of them had already been ripped down before Sirius had gotten there. Those ones were streaked with blood. Remus' blood.

Remus was in the last one, back bowed and legs at an awkward angle. His mouth was covered in blood as if he had been drinking the stuff. He must have been there for ages because the blood pooling around him had already dried on his hair and hands.

He was a deathly pale, but an eyelid flickered open. He smiled weakly up at Sirius. "You're back…" And then he returned to the black.

* * *

Poppy was in a state, of course. She'd been informed of Remus' most recent disability and had been appropriately scandalized by the most recent progression of Remus' series of misfortunes.

"What were you thinking, Mr Black!" She shuffled around the bed where an unconscious Remus lied. She had managed to force feed him a blood replenishing potion and a series of sleeping draughts, but the bones in his legs had shattered from his fall and would therefore need more attention than usual.

"I didn't know."

"Did you do any research on the nature of this spell?" James and Peter had already been ousted from the wing. Sirius was only allowed to stay for Remus' sake. "Did you have any idea what it would do to Mr Lupin?"

"No, ma'am."

She softened slightly at the abject confession and therefore chose to remain silent.

After a long stretch of silence, Sirius cleared his throat. "Is there…is there any way to lift it?"

"The spell?' Madam Pomfrey considered it for a moment, pausing her work in Remus' bandages. "I'm not sure. It's not just a simple spell. Rather, it's a series of runes and dark magic—the kind that embeds in a wizard's own magic. To separate the spell from the man…well it would be to sift dust from flour."

Sirius sighed. "Impossible."

"Not impossible," she corrected, "just…tricky. Mr Lupin would have to expel his very essence. Does that make sense?"

Sirius shook his head slowly.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Let me try it this way, Mr Black: a wizard consists of two elements—spirit and body. The principal member is, of course the spiritual element. However, one is loathe to exist without the other as they draw strength from one another. A spirit on its own is not a person, the same as a hollow body is not a person. However, the bond between the two is finite and therefore the spirit must find a separate housing once that bond is severed. Do you understand me, Mr Black?"

Sirius shook his head. "Sorta. I don't see what this has to do with Remus, though."

"I'm getting there." She said snappishly. "Magic is an elemental component of the bond that connects a wizard to his body. Have you ever wondered why the ghosts cannot perform magic, or those who have received a dementor's kiss are wandless? It is because once the bond between the body and spirit is vanished, then so is the magic. However, if that bond were to be restored, well the magic would return."

"So you're suggesting…"

"That if the bond that holds Remus' magic is broken, then the spell embedded in his magic would disappear as well."

"But if Remus' spirit were to return to his body…"

"Then he would remain a wizard, but the bond would no matter be intact, yes." She returned to Remus' wounds. "But the idea is preposterous. Dangerous and foolish to the point of insanity."

Sirius stared at Remus, who was pale beneath the white hospital sheets. "Insanity, indeed."

* * *

_Author's Note: What's this? An update before a month has passed? My word, that IS insanity, indeed..._

_I do hope that concept makes sense to people other than me. I know that such a concept is not described in the novels, but I find it plausible. Afterall, I've always wondered why the ghosts at Hogwarts seem so capable, but are unable to perform magic._

_For those of you who are interested, the quitting is going well. I refuse to go on the patch and my significant other has to be very patient with me, but I haven't smoked in ages. God what I wouldn't do for a fag right now..._

_Thank you for reading!_


	11. To Love, To Burn

**To Love, To Burn**

**

* * *

**

_Remus. Wake up. Wake up._

Remus turned onto his side, not in the mood to deal with himself this early in the morning.

_It's not morning, Remus. It doesn't smell like morning._

Remus ignored it and tried to nestle his face in the pillows to block out the light and the sun-baked smell of late afternoon.

_Someone's here. Someone to visit us._

Remus was unable to stop himself from thinking of the inevitable answer. This was the process of waking: the slow discernment of himself and the wolf as reality disentangled itself from unreality as the limbs of lovers might.

_The mate's here. He's come for us. He wants us up. Now, wake up, now._

Remus felt the dull tug that signified that Sirius wanted something, but didn't need it. He was able to resist. Able to inform the wolf that he did not, under any circumstances, plan on getting up.

_Smell good, though._

Remus couldn't help but agree. He managed to shake it from his thoughts as he woke into himself. _For Merlin's sake_, he thought to the wolf, _why are you here?_

_No remember?_

_Obviously not. We aren't even close to the full moon. Why are you still here?_

_Last night._

Remus strained to remember what the wolf seemed to know. He faintly recalled the scent of blood and pain ringing through his memory.

_Our blood, dumb human. Pain from mate._

_Oh. You're here as a defense mechanism._

Remus could have laughed at the confusion the psychobabble created in his lupine counterpart. Instead, jerked awake, mostly to prove to himself that he could. When his eyes found the infirmary's row of sterile cots and the break of daylight over his senses, he sighed from relief.

"You're up." It was quiet, especially for Sirius. A small admittance of utter defeat.

Remus turned to him, trying to force his features into a cheery smile. That was when he remembered his crushed nose. It stung, but only minutely thanks to Madam Pomfrey. "I am. How are you?"

Sirius laughed grimly. He was sitting beside Remus' cot on his usual metal chair. He had his elbows on his knees and he stared at the floor fixedly. "I should be asking you that. Not me."

"Oi," Remus said and grasped for Sirius' hand, "I'm fine now. See? Right as rain."

Sirius looked up at him with hollow eyes. "Are you? Are you really?"

Remus felt the twinge of Sirius' pain, but it was muted by his resign. "Sure. This is nothing."

A bitter look overtook Sirius' already haggard features. "You didn't tell me about this."

"About what?"

Sirius stood suddenly, mad with guilt. He took a step back. "Does that hurt?"

Confused, Remus cocked his head. "Of course not."

Sirius grimaced. "What if I were to go outside? Would that hurt?"

"A little," Remus admitted, "but I've gotten used to it. Is that what happened last night?"

Sirius screamed in frustration and slammed both palms down on Remus' bed. Remus jerked in surprise and was reacquainted with the line of bruises along his sides.

"Would it have killed you if I decided to go to the bloody orient? Why didn't you tell me!"

Remus' brow furrowed, but he managed to scramble behind his mask of composure before cringing away from Sirius' wrath. "Because I didn't want to worry you."

"Like this is so much better! What else haven't you been telling me?"

"That's it, Sirius."

"So distance hurts. Fucking hurts. Me keeping my fat gob shut hurts. Me opening it hurts. Obeying hurts. Does anything not hurt?"

Remus considered for a second. In that second, Sirius managed to calm down enough to caress the side of Remus' face.

"Does this hurt?"

He shook his head. "No. And the pain gets better. The more it happens the better it'll get. It should completely go away by the time I—"

Sirius' nostrils flared. "By the time you…?"

"Well," Remus bit his lip, "You know that I don't expect you to stay forever—don't you dare interrupt, Sirius, I don't—and when you…move on, well then I will too…"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "How. So."

"Well, I've never heard of a werewolf making it past sixty anyhow and I—"

Sirius' fists tightened. "This is so fucking ridiculous."

Remus smiled. "No it's not, love. Well, a little. Come sit by me."

Sirius glared at him, but then sighed and did as he was told. "I wish I'd known, Moony."

Remus chuckled, feeling better now that Sirius wasn't so distressed. "I know, Padfoot. But what choice did we have?"

* * *

When Sirius insisted that he come with Remus to his forays to the library, Remus figured it was out of fear that the distance would hurt him again. Remus tried to assure Sirius that, no, from the library to the tower was not a distance long enough to cause him much more than a dull twinge. But Sirius, being Sirius, was adamant that he come along, so Remus had no choice but to oblige.

And when Sirius poured through tome after tome, Remus took little notice. It was like Sirius to come across these little obsessions, especially when bored. And his field of research was benign enough. With titles such as, Experimental Theories of the Connective Tissue of Magic and A Warlock's Guide to the Advanced Properties of Magic, what harm could Sirius cause?

In fact, Remus was fairly thrilled when Sirius checked out his first textbook from the library: The Elementary Practise of Practical and Magical Association.

However, this book was soon followed by other, more troubling tomes. The Transitory and Premeditated Magic of Posthumous Spiritual Existence, for example. Or the even more troublesome, Separation and Reconnection of a Wizard's Magical Counterparts. As the months stretched on, Remus began to realize that some of these books weren't as harmless as he had initially believed. And though, he had no clue what Sirius was after, there was something particularly troubling about the nature in which Sirius pursued his fixation on magical properties.

Sirius used to fancy that magic was a property that was not harnessed by the body, but was rather a quality of the universe that only certain vessels could channel. That theory had lasted Sirius all throughout his fifth year and by the time final exams were over, he had sufficiently talked himself out of the cockamamie concept.

However, Sirius had pursued the concept of magic as an elemental substance as recreation. He would leisurely discuss the idea in the common room or ask a professor when he found it convenient. But he attacked this obsession with near-mania. He would stay up late at night, crouched over a textbook and scribbling down notes furiously.

Remus began to notice James' slipping into the odd habit as well. Peter follows, predictably enough as it is what he does, and Remus finds himself completely out of the loop.

He doesn't mind. Honestly, he doesn't. He figures they're planning some sort of elaborate hoax on the entire school which is why Sirius is so tied up. Remus figures it's a good thing. They're starting to convalesce. The four of them are no longer in pain or worried if they're marauding and causing tom-foolery.

So that night, when he went to bed, and the wolf was whispering warnings in his ear, he thought little of it.

_Danger. Smells wrong. Feels wrong. Danger. Mate doing something. Pack doing something. Danger. Danger.

* * *

_

_Author's Note: Look at me. Actually coming close to an end. Thank you to those who review. I am so sorry, but I often find that I don't have the patience to respond. Just know that I am sincerely grateful. This story keeps going because of you lot._

_For those of you who are keeping track of my quitting saga, it's going well. I won't pretend I haven't had the occasional fag, but I'm down to a carton every week. Which is loads better than my original two cartons a day. And I feel a hell lot better. As marked by this exceptional rant._

_I'm guessing three chapters at most. But you know me, I can't obey myself._


	12. Reason and Resistance

**Reason and Resistance**

**

* * *

**

When Sirius entered the dorm, Remus was sitting in the middle of the floor atop two rucksacks, a set of brooms at his feet.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Bit early for hols, don't you think?"

Remus' lips curled into a small, stiff smile. "The Department of Magizoology disagrees, Padfoot."

Sirius hissed from the blow. "What the hell do they want this time?"

Remus turned his head to the side and pressed his fingers into the knotted muscle furled near his collarbone. His profile was blurrily outlined by the scattering of candles and the setting sun. In the dim light, Sirius could see every shimmer of silver scars across his lover's face. He could even see the faint glow that the bonding spell left on Remus' neck. His jaw tightened.

"Just a check-up. They want to monitor the bond's progress, see if it's properly embedded in my blood, etc. Really, it's nothing major. They may want to re-enforce the spell, maybe survey you for any changes that you'd like in the bond…really, it's just an assessment. Nothing to worry about."

Remus turned back with the same small smile. It was the sort of smile he wore to keep from crying. The kind supplemented with hollow reassurance in the hope that he would prove himself right. Sirius wanted to strike him.

"When do we have to be there?"

"Tomorrow morning. We should get going now."

"Why aren't we flooing?"

Remus bit his lip and flushed. He mumbled something under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"I'd like the time before we get there."

Sirius smiled softly and kissed Remus' temple. His hands threaded through Remus' tawny hair as he held him tightly. "I won't let them hurt you again."

* * *

The flight there was silent, save the whisper of wind over their skin and in their hair. Sirius looked to Remus often, concerned. But Remus managed to look dead on, steeled against everything. Though the night air was chilled, Remus flew with his cloak behind him like a cape. His skin flushed red from cold and then settled into a mottled purple, but he was calm. Calmer than Sirius had seen him in a long time.

Sirius hated the bond, but he couldn't deny that flying with Remus bonded to himself was exhilarating.

Sirius and James were known to fly in perfect synchronization—years of practise had guided them there—but flying with Remus surpassed synchronization; it extended into perfect melding.

Sirius could sense Remus in a way that he suspected was reciprocated. And, with Remus' ultra-keen senses, it was as if Sirius had that perception himself. Remus could smell an oncoming flock of geese, or feel the slightest lift of a draft. He would adjust accordingly and—before he could even move—Sirius would anticipate his next action.

To fly with a bonded mate was to fly as a greater person.

The inn that Remus had chosen was small and anonymous. The witch at the front handed them a key without so much as a word and Remus passed over the galleons. If the lobby with its dusty wood and huddled occupants was depressing, then the room exceeded the limits of humanity's capacity for gloom.

But by then they were so tired we huddled together on one of the twin beds, dreading morning.

* * *

"Hello, Mr Black," the recipient gave a curt nod towards Sirius. Her eyes dripped down the page to find Remus, "78396. Mr Swickley will see you in a few minutes. Please sit down."

It took Sirius a couple of minutes to remember 78396 was Remus' identification code. He didn't have time to argue before Swickley appeared from the horrid little door.

"Good morning," Swickley's stoic eyes were angled at Sirius and Sirius alone. "I'm ready to see you and your werewolf."

He didn't acknowledge the curl in Sirius' hands, but Remus' hip brushed against Sirius' in a comforting way.

Swickley led them towards three chairs huddled in a corner. He took the one with its back against the wall. "Please, sit. The first part of this assessment is verbal only. I simply want to gage how things are progressing."

Sirius seized one of the chairs and turned it backwards so that he was straddling it. Remus sat unobtrusively behind him.

"Very good." Swickley jotted something down on his clipboard. "So, Mr…Black, are you still comfortable with the arrangement?"

"I still want Remus around, if that's what you mean."

"Indeed it is. Are there any adjustments you'd like to make to the bond? Any way to better control the werewolf?"

Sirius gritted his teeth. "No."

Swickley nodded and scratched it down. "I see. We do have an additional spell that can be layered over the foundation. It's a little pricey, but you can issue non-verbal commands and—"

"I don't want it."

Swickley didn't even raise his eyes. "Alright. Is your werewolf feeling any side-effects?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, does the werewolf feel anything other than the desired effect?"

"It's hurting him."

Swickley nodded. "When?"

"When I want him to do something, when I tell him to do something, when he's too far away from me, when I so much as want something that he can't get me—"

"That's normal, Mr Black. Now if you feel that it doesn't hurt the werewolf enough…"

Sirius stood up abruptly. "What the fuck is wrong with you? It's hurting him."

Swickley remained unsurpassable. "That is what the spell is designed to do. Its pain helps you maintain control—"

"He has a fucking name!"

"Please lower your voice, Mr Black. The walls are thin."

"I will n—"

"Sirius." Remus voice was small, contained. He wore his calmest mask and, if Sirius hadn't known his mate any better, he looked completely at ease. The flicker of pain behind his eyes suggested something else entirely. "Please, please stop."

Sirius bit his lip and sat down, still glaring at Swickley. He would have reached out for Remus' hand, had it not been for the shaking in his fingers.

"Very good. Now that we're all settled, I'd like to run some tests."

They lied in bed that night, side by side as always. Remus had one arm flung over his stomach, palm up.

Sirius watched him sleep. Swickley had re-embedded the spell, but little damage was done. He followed the line of Remus' jaw to his neck, then his collarbone, down his chest to his arm…then the wrist.

Sirius hissed in half fury, half anguish when he saw the blur of a dark tattoo on Remus' wrist: 78396, Nov. 29.

I'm going to fix this, Moony. I am.

"I've got it."

"Fabulous, Sirius. Now what's it you got?"

"The way out, you dumb buck. I can do it."

James rubbed his eyes and sat up. He turned his alarm clock so that he could see its face. "It's fucking four in the morning on a Saturday. What can you do?"

Sirius moved forward and shoved a book into James' lap. "There. It's there."

James read the title under Sirius' lumos. "Death and Back: Separating a Wizard from His Magic. What the fuck, Sirius?"

"Just keep reading!"

"Separating a wizard from his magic is a process of eliminating the bond that is created between the two parts: physical and elemental…Sirius you've already told me this—"

"Merlin, Prongs! Just keep reading. Skip to where I underlined."

"Fine, fine…alright, so, um…In order to eliminate this bond, a second party is needed…the wizard in question will have to enter a point where the physical integrity is threatened. Such as an animagus transformation, a polyjuice change, or a…Sirius, you aren't thinking…"

"I am. It's doable. Read on."

"…or a werewolf transformation. At the exact moment of physical change, the wizard in question will undergo the spell, seperate somes ex animus (see next page for details)…Sirius, he'll be a squib."

"Read on, for Merlin's sake!"

"Fine, fine! Calm down, you berk…alright. Blah, blah, blah…in the event that you want the wizard to be reunited with his magic blah, blah, blah…simply cast the spell, lungo somes ex animus at anytime of physical change…he'd never let you do this. You'd have to be human during the change; he could kill you."

Sirius smiled wryly. "C'mon, Prongs. Not scared are you?"

* * *

_Author's note: It's so close I can taste it. __The end, that is._

_One more chapter might do it, and then maybe an epilogue? Never to fear, I'll be starting a new story soon after I finish this one._

_Thanks for reading._


	13. Winged Flight

**Winged Flight**

**

* * *

**

James watched Remus warily as he paced the dorm. He was kneading his fingers through his scalp and gnawing on his lip.

"Moony, stop it. You're going to work yourself into a fit, you great sod."

Remus flexed his neck from side to side, ignoring him. He threw his elbows back to pop the joints in his shoulders and continued to pace the floorboards.

"Remus, seriously, stop. You're driving me 'round the twist." James reached out to grab his elbow. Remus' head snapped towards him, his eyes blazing gold. They softened slightly after taking in James' shocked expression.

"I'm sorry, James. Just…I'm restless." He looked outside. It wasn't even noon yet, but he could feel the moon creep closer and closer. "Can we go outside?"

From his position at the end of his bed, James' raised an eyebrow and leaned against the bedpost. "Is that wise, Moony? Sirius is in the library—"

"Please, James…I need to go out. Fly a broom or something. Run around. Too much energy."

James sighed and removed his glasses to wipe them with the hem of his robe. "Alright, fine. We'll wear out the wolf, but we'll stick to the yards closest to the library. And no flying, Sirius would have my head if I let you fall off a broom and to your death."

Remus grinned broadly and sprung towards the door, more buoyant in his steps than before. James shook his head and hoped to Merlin that whatever Sirius was doing it was worth James having to keep a grumpy Remus occupied.

* * *

By the time evening had set, Remus was completely out of control with nerves and energy. He was usually good at tapering himself down, but tonight the wolf seemed to be wary underneath Remus' skin.

_There's no way he knows what's going to happen tonight,_ James reasoned to himself, _even Remus isn't smart enough to figure it out._

James should have told Sirius that he was too scared to take part in this, because he was. There had been a few moons since the new bond. Moony was calmer, no doubt—probably because of Sirius' wishes. But they hadn't tried actual verbal commands. Sirius couldn't have in his dog form…what was to insure that Sirius' commands would work on the wolf?

"We should head to the shack." Remus' voice was rough and curt, as if the words were unaccustomed to spilling from his mouth.

"Where's Peter?"

"Detention. He'll be there before moonrise." Remus suddenly turned his head and sniffed the air. His eyes darted across the dim ground to locate a rabbit. He cleared his throat. "We should go."

"Sirius…"

"Is close. I can feel him. Let's _go_."

James nodded and gently grabbed Remus' elbow to lead him towards the shack. By the time they were through the tunnel, Remus was shaking so badly he could barely stand.

* * *

Sirius bit his lip nervously. He could hear Remus, James, and Peter on the other side of the bedroom door. Remus was struggling to get his clothing off, as characterized by the occasional thumping when he fell to the ground from the struggle.

Sirius took a deep breath and pocketed his wand. _It'll be worth it, it will, it will._

"Pa'foo'?" Remus' voice was faint from the other side of the door. "'S'at you?"

Sirius pushed through the door, locking it behind him. "I'm here, Moony. Shh, I'm here." Remus' fine hair through his fingers felt oddly delicate. He noticed that Remus was even grayer than when the year had started. Sirius lifted Remus' frail wrist to run a thumb over his tattoo.

"Sirius…" but whatever he was going to say was cut-off by the sudden desperation in his eyes. "Change. Change now."

James and Peter melted into their animal selves, but Sirius remained curled around Remus.

"Sirius, are you mad? For Merlin's sake, chan-ah!" He screamed as a convulsion thrust through him. "Goddammit! _Change_!"

Sirius stood up and pulled out his wand and Prongs stepped between Remus and Sirius. By this point, Remus was unable to speak for the pain, but his eyes were wide and panicked.

Sirius bit his lip and looked out the window where the moon was beginning to appear from behind the veil of clouds. He lifted his wand and pointed it at Remus, shaking from fear.

Remus screamed, not out of pain, but out of desperation. His eyes were begging, pleading Sirius to change or leave.

And then his back began to crack and shift out of shape, and he was unable to do anything but howl for pain. His human scream raised in octaves until it became nothing more than a wolfish howl.

Prongs looked at Sirius significantly. He nodded and just as Remus' eyes turned from amber to gold, he flicked his wand. "_Seperate somes ex animus_."

Fur sprouted along the ridges of Remus' skin and his jaw snapped into a new form, but Remus was silent. Sirius stared at him, shell-shocked. Other than the final transformation changes, Remus was still. Lifeless.

Sirius' jaw went slack. "Did I…" _The book hadn't said mistakes would be lethal._ He practised for hours until he was sure he had it perfect. _It couldn't have_… "…did I…"

Wormtail scuttled from his corner and nosed at the ruff of Moony's neck. The fur and loose skin moved with Wormtail's efforts.

Then Moony snorted. He raised his head and sniffed at the air. Alive. Sirius was weak with relief until he realized that he was human with a very transformed werewolf.

Prongs threw himself at Moony, acting as a shield against Sirius as he changed into Padfoot.

A full moon had never tasted so sweet.

* * *

When Remus woke up, he was groggy as usual. He had the typical scatterings of scars and bruises, none of which painful. He rubbed his eyes and looked around for his mates, or for Madame Pomphrey. Neither of which were to be seen.

Remus rubbed a slow circle around his chest where he anticipated the regular ache of Sirius' absence to be.

But there was none.

He sat up abruptly and reassessed himself. The internal ache was gone. Not even the slight pull that told him Sirius was near.

Remus panicked, trying desperately to remember last night. All he could recall was Sirius being slow to transform. In fact, he didn't remember Sirius changing at all.

Remus sprung from his bed, nearly falling from the effort. He sprinted out of the hospital wing, only to run head-on into Madame Pomphrey in the middle of what seemed to be a very significant conversation with James, Peter,

and Sirius.

She turned on him, a flurry of white matron gown and gabber. Like a goose. "You should be in bed! Bed! Go along! Your friends can come too! For Merlin's sake…"

Remus stared at Sirius, dumbfounded. He allowed Madame Pomphrey to pedal him back to the bed, but he refused to lie down.

"What…what…why?"

Madame Pomphrey threw her hands into the air. "Fine! Get yourself ill again! Just don't you dare come back to me."

Sirius positively grinned, it was a beautiful sight. "I told you I'd fix it, Moony."

Remus sat down, eyes wide. He looked to the faces of his three friends. "Is it…gone?"

James nudged Peter. "Go fetch him a glass of water, Wormy. I'll come too."

Sirius sat next to him and placed a hand on his knee, rubbing calming circles into his skin. "Yeah, yeah the bond's gone."

"But the ministry…"

"Doesn't have to know."

Remus sighed and flopped back on the bed. "You're an idiot, Sirius."

Sirius smirked back and lounged next him. He kissed him solidly on the nose. "Yeah, but I'm your idiot."

Remus grinned and caged Sirius' head in his hands so he could kiss him. James and Peter never did return with that glass of water."

* * *

_Author's note: I cannot even begin to explain why this came out so fast. Burst of inspiration? Boredom? I'm not sure, but there'll be an epilogue and this monster of a story is finished._

_By the way, did you know that usually you gain weight when you quit smoking? Well, just my luck--I lost some. God, I'm such fucking jail-bait sometimes._

_Thanks for reading._


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

"Oi! Not fair, not fair! Stop that!"

Remus laughed and allowed his fingers to delve deeper into the flesh of Sirius' naked abdomen. The covers were thrown to the wooden floor and a scattering of pillows littered the otherwise bare matress. Sirius squirmed underneath him and laughed uncontrollably.

"Moony! I say—ah ha ha—stop it this—ha—this instant! I mean it!"

With a careless flick of his head, Remus ignored him and went for the more sensitive area above Sirius' collarbone. Sirius shrieked in a peal of laughter.

"Hush, Padfoot. The neighbors will hear!" He dug his fingers in deeper nonetheless.

"Alright, you asked for it!"

Sirius bucked his hips up and flipped them over so he was straddling Remus against the bed. Remus laughed even harder, his hair unkempt and spread like a rumpled halo around his head. Sirius panted from the laughter, his hair falling loosely around his face. Neither of them had bothered to cut it since graduation.

Still flushed and grinning, Remus pulled his lower lip between his teeth and chuckled up at Sirius, who had his hands manacled around Remus' wrists. It took him a moment to take in the suggestion of their modified position.

"Alright, you've pinned me. What's your next plan of action, eh?"

Sirius smirked. "Well, first the neck." He pressed his nose into the curve between Remus' neck and shoulder, snuffling his way towards Remus' earlobe. Remus shrieked and tried to jerk away, but Sirius just nibbled until Remus quieted down. "Then perhaps the feet…" he ran a rogue toe along the arch of Remus' foot. Underneath him, Remus gasped from the tickling, pleasurable sensation. He jerked his knees upward, but Sirius remained firm. "Then, of course the stomach."

Sirius brought Remus' wrists together so he was clutching them in one hand—more for show than anything else—and ran the other hand down the side of Remus' stomach. He dipped his head to delve his tongue into Remus' navel.

"That's," Remus gasped, "not tickling."

Sirius grumbled and went lower. "How about this?"

Remus' hips bucked up, "No, definitely not."

"This?"

"Padfoot!"

Sirius bit on the knob of Remus' hip. Hard. "Have we consummated this room of the flat yet?"

Remus laughed. "Several times."

"Kitchen?"

"Twice."

"Loo?"

"Once."

"Living room?"

"Today was the fifth time."

Sirius hummed, apparently in thought. "Hm, still doesn't feel quite like home though."

"That might be because we just moved in yesterday and we still haven't unpacked."

Sirius grinned. "Gotcha. Well, I know something I'd like to unpack…"

"Sirius, really!"

Sirius bit Remus' hip again, then kissed the reddened skin. "Really."

He gasped again, one of Sirius' favourite sounds from Moony. "Sirius, get on with it!"

"Whatever you want, love."

* * *

_Fin_

* * *

_Author's note: Alright, so there you have it. It's finished. Two updates in one night. What service, eh?_

_I'll admit that it's nearly six in the morning here and that, yes, these rapid fire updates were done partially because I've had my first fag all day and I really wanted to get this over with._

_I hope the happiness didn't smother any of you in rainbows or kittens. Like I said, I'm a sucker for happy endings._

_And, because I've already been asked, NO there will NOT be a sequel. No, no, no, no. No!_

_Thanks for reading._

_Yours,_

_A.A._


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